We’re not good enough. No matter how hard we try, someone is sure to expect more. Why, oh why do we let the expectations of others make us feel inadequate?
Recently I was talking to some friends. These friends shared how they can feel like they are not good enough even after performing above and beyond the call of duty. I admire these women due to the effort they put forth. I’m sure my mouth was hanging open. One friend pointed to a group of moms and said, “Join the group. We all feel that way.” I was flabbergasted!
We’ve been hornswoggled! Too many of us believe, somehow, that we are not good enough. We believe that we’ve not done enough, we’ve not given enough and we’ve not achieved enough. ENOUGH! It is not true!
This past week I was watching the Olympics. I was enjoying Shaun White in his quest to win gold. The sports commentator made a remark that completely shocked and irked me to no end. He basically stated that Shaun White needed to win gold to prove that the other two previous gold medals were not flukes. FLUKES!?
Shaun White has won 3 gold medals in 3 separate Olympic games. He has qualified for four. He holds the record for the most X-Games gold medals, the most gold medals by a snowboarder and has won 10 ESPY Awards. His first X-Game award was in 2003. Shaun has been on top in his sport for the past fifteen years. Yes, he did miss the podium at the last Olympics, SO WHAT! WHEN are we finally good enough?
What is wrong with our thinking? When was a gold medal at the Olympics the determining criteria for worthiness? I am shocked and dismayed that the only athletes worthy enough to be noticed at the Olympics are those who win gold. As a past collegiate athlete, I am amazed and impressed with every person who attends the Olympics. These are all people who are world ranked and completely devoted to their sport. Their best, although not gold medal worthy, is worthy enough.
I am angry. I am angry that we have been duped. Somewhere, somehow, we allowed someone to convince us that our worth depended on our performance. And in believing that lie, our lives got crazy.
I am no longer talking about the athlete. I’m talking about the everyday Joe. I’m talking about the mom who runs around like a crazy person. One of the reasons our schedules got hijacked was that in the effort to justify our worthiness we filled our lives and calendars with countless activities for us and our families. An unhurried life is an impossible dream while we fight inadequacy with activity.
Have you ever had a moment to slow down long enough to ask yourself if any of your busyness in life is due to avoiding inadequacy? Are you trying to overcome the voice of a parent you thought you could never please? Are you filling a void due to unfulfilled accomplishments? Do you believe that you will feel self-worth by accomplishing?
At times we can all feel the pang of failure to live up to the expectations of ourselves and others. It sometimes takes a revelation to be set free from the “earning” trap. We try to earn respect. We try to earn love and acceptance and we try to earn success.
I believe that there are a number of activities on our to-do lists that are there because of the “earning” trap. I spent years victim to this mentality. An unhurried life, relaxing down time and unstructured time was of no value. It was not working toward something. It did not earn me the justification I sought. It did not seem like a path to adequacy. I was wrong.
You are worthy! You are enough! Nothing you do and no achievement makes you more worthwhile. We are not worth more because we try again and again to please others. We are not worth more because we filled every waking moment with activity, and left no time to enjoy an unhurried moment, a moment that earned you nothing. We are not worth more because of our success or worth less because of our lack of success.
Think about all that you do. Do you do any of it chasing adequacy? If so, maybe it’s time for the revelation that you are enough. Instead of chasing approval, chase some peace and quiet. Instead of looking for acceptance, look for contentment. Instead of looking for that which will fill the void, be still and let God, the void filler, do it for you.
I have a good idea that you are an awesome person. My hunch is that you are self-sacrificing, sometimes to the point of self-harm. You most likely are trying to be the best parent, child and friend to those around you. Chances are good that those around you do not recognize how much you actually do.
My friend, you will never earn it. You will spend your life chasing it. You will lose time, peace and contentment seeking it. So, STOP! You will always be inadequate to someone else. Others will always want more. “They” will never be satisfied with what you give.
Don’t do one more thing to “earn.” You can’t earn it so stop trying. You ARE enough. You don’t have to accomplish to have value. So slow down. Enjoy a little unhurried time. It accomplishes a great deal more than you realize.
Join me here on The Breezy Porch each week for more posts that dive deeper into the overly busy person’s psyche. Let’s slow down together.
Start slowing down by entering the “Beat the Blues” giveaway. Just subscribe to this blog and leave a comment.
To win you must be subscribed to this blog.
You must also be a member of The Breezy Porch Facebook group
Then once you are a part of our wonderful group, comment on any blog beginning Tuesday, January 30, 2018 until midnight EST on Wednesday, February 28, 2018. Your name will be entered with each comment that you leave. The winner will be randomly drawn from all the comments submitted by qualified entries.
PLEASE, check out each wonderful business woman that donated to this drawing. I HIGLY recommend each woman and her products.
One of my goals is to support independent business women. Please consider shopping at The Pamper Goats and Pizazzzzz,. Subscribe to Holly’s YouTube channel. Join Table Talk for Women and use Becky for your Mary Kay needs.
I too would love to grow my readership. PLEASE share my blog on your social media!!! Tell your friends about my blog too.
I’m excited to share the contents of this box that is sure to chase those winter blues away.
For this box some wonderful friends joined the fun.
Charlene Dunning is the lovely lady behind “Pampered Goats” and also one of the beautiful models in my Simple Pleasures book series. In 24 Everyday Simple Pleasures she enjoys listening to rain showers and popping bubble wrap.
Pampered Goats has donated their “Limited Edition” Milky Face Cleanser Bar. You will find this exquisite bar to be exceptionally moisturizing as it gently removes make-up, dust and impurities while gently adding silkiness to your skin. (excellent for normal, sensitive or mature skin types.)
Charlene has been creating natural soaps and lotions from her daily goat’s milk for eight years. In addition to their artisan line of soaps and lotions they offer a men’s line, pet shampoo and spa quality bath bombs.
Her moto is: From Pampered Goats to Pampered People
Becky Kaufmann is also one of my lovely models. You can find her featured on my blog.
Becky has been a Mary Kay consultant for 13 years. Becky has donated “Mint Bliss Energizing Lotion for feet and legs.” It helps tired feet and legs feel revived. The Mint Bliss Lotion is so refreshing to your feet & legs! After showering, apply it and feel the cooling mint soak into your feet & legs! It’s relaxing and the mint fragrance fills the air. An enjoyable experience to end a long day! Contact Becky at https://www.marykay.com/rbettis
Holly Lovegrove is an amazing, professionally trained make-up artist. You can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/hlovegrove and https://www.facebook.com/hollylovegrovemua/ also at her YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=holly+lovegrove+beauty be sure to subscribe to her channel.
Holly has donated a $50.00 Gift Card.
Debbie Casteel is the creator of Table Talk for Women a women’s network and socialization group on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/552862348215486/ Debbie is a friend to everyone and is always eager to help others grow their businesses. She just launched a line of Table Talk for Women items which are available on the Table Talk FB page. She has donated a water bottle and key chain.
Lisa Miller is the owner of Pizazzzzz a boutique in Kokomo, Indiana. https://www.facebook.com/pg/onlypizazzzzz/posts/?ref=page_internal Pizazzzz is located at 2915 S Washington in the Maplecrest shopping center just south of Kroger next to the uniform shop. Pizazzzzz sells fashionable clothing, jewelry, books, gift items and in March will be opening a salon. Lisa has donated a “Warm Glow” candle. Hand dipped in Indiana this “Evening Mocha” scented candle will make any room smell completely yummy.
The chance to be featured as a model in 75 Simple Pleasures – Spring.
Anyone in Kokomo and the surrounding area can enter to win this prize. If you’d love to join our models on the pages of my lovely NEW book, now is your chance. When entering, write “photo” by your comment if you want a chance to win this particular prize. The drawing for this will be February 14th – Valentine’s Day.
You need to be available for your photo shoot between February 15 and February 21.
I love the items you choose…healthy, helpful, delightful…thank you for the opportunity to maybe win something wonderful:)
They ARE delightful items. Thanks Wanda.
I appreciate your article on Being enough.
I struggle with this, so the article encouraged me. Thanks so much!
I’m so glad to be an encouragement. You ARE enough!
What an encouraging reminder that our adequacy cannot be earned! It gives me freedom to relax and enjoy.
Yes Sharon, and we need that reminder every now and then. That saying would be a great wall plaque.
This. Yes, this. I needed your article on being enough. I realized once again on Monday how being a constant ‘people pleaser’ only causes me trouble as well as inconvenience to others, sometimes. Thanks so much!! You say it so well.